dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
