I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
