Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
