At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
