I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
