my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize