so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
