I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
