Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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