I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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