so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
bring money and cleavage
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
