This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
