i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
