dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
