Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
