i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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