I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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