Actions speak louder than pants.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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