Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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