Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
