Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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