You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
