So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your penis caused this!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
