well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize