My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
