I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
