fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
