Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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