I have demons in me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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