why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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