don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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