he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
