You made me cry and you don't even care
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
did you just send me my own nude
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
