can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
