i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
