Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
