can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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