she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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