I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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