First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
