I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
