My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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