you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
