i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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