Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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