whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
