I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't turn off my feet"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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