well I can't set my house on fire every night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
