Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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