i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
