I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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