you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hippo gnu deer
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
