you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
