If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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