Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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