So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
