Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
porn star boner night. come get it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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