just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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