I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
