Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
