Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
