Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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