If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
