new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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