and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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