bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
