Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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