please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
