My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
