I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
