How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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