this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
