At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
