So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
