I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
