I hope my margaritas pass through security.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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