So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
