so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
