Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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