Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
