is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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